�The light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not understood it.� (John 1:5NIV)

now, we begin to understand. In this, our mortal world, we can but only hope in something more, but what or whom. The question is not necessarily God but who we call God and what does this �God� want to do for you. 8 years ago I began a journey to find this �God�, fifteen years old wondering what this life was about, asking questions like, Are you there?, How do I speak to you? and which religion is yours? I then followed blindly to the first church saying they were the truth, in this crucial question I quickly validated the first answer to come.

God does not shout here I AM from the roof top, so in our uneducated God seeking mind set, we tend to jump at the first thing that looks like an answer, this is where I was. One year later I sat in a church having gone though all the religious rituals and ceremonies to smooth away the road to heaven for me, now asking questions like, How can I possibly live this? more importantly, Should I just give up?. My every sin, exposed, no mistake without condemnation and I think, I�m a sinner why not just embrace it? These ways of thinking are the things that sever relationships with God. Some man made religion and it�s rules are saying, �obey our laws or else�, I felt no other choice but to, turn to something else.

"How can Satan drive out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. In fact, no one can enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin." (Mark 3:23-29NIV)

I set out, for eternal sin. My goal, was eternal sin. The next four years were to be direct and deliberate blasphemies, an all out war on God. I was hurt by religion and took it all out on God. I had been aware and dabbling in the world of Wicca, (partially due to my obsession with the band Godsmack). But after leaving religion behind I was �free� to actually practice these things. I under took the elements and teachings in my life and began to associate more with these people. They�re world ranged from the kids using Tarot cards to the palm readers, I was involved in what is called a Coven. During my brief run with them I discovered a world which was shunned even by the Wiccans, a world which would end up consuming my life, this was the world of Satanism.

I left the Wiccans behind in pursuit of what I had hoped to be an enduring life with Satan. I did not seek him for the promise of a new life or monetary gain, but in search of someone I could call God. So here I stand now, 17 years old engulfed in a true life relationship with the devil.